The purpose of this lesson is to help students understand their behavior, manage their emotions, and make positive choices that support themselves and others.

Research shows that students are more successful when they understand classroom and schoolwide expectations, are taught how to meet them, and are given tools to reflect on and manage their own behavior. This lesson supports student ownership by helping students review expectations, identify behavior triggers, choose preferred responses, and practice regulation strategies that lead to better decision-making and increased independence. By creating a personalized behavior plan, students become active participants in the behavior process, which strengthens self-awareness, self-management, and accountability while reducing reliance on adult correction.

self-management, trigger, regulate

Activity 1: (15 minutes) PYRAMID OF HAPPINESS 

Review the Pyramid of Happiness anchor chart from the slides and practice the actions associated with each level of the pyramid:

• Basic Needs: Rub tummy and pretend to drink (food and water)
• Safety: Pretend to put on a helmet (safety) and make a roof overhead with arms (secure place)
• Connection: Hug yourself (love) and give a friendly wave (belonging)
• Believe in Yourself: Make a thumbs up and show off your muscles (esteem)
• Superstar Self: Jump high and land in a superhero pose (self-actualization)

Highlight the 2nd level of the pyramid (Safety) and its action (Pretend to put on a helmet and make a roof overhead with arms). Read aloud the correlating poem stanza together from the slides. When we practice strong self-management, we help ourselves feel calm and safe, and we can help others feel safe too. Share the definition of the term “self-management” from the slides. Have a discussion:

• How can controlling your thoughts, feelings, and choices help you and others feel safe? (EQ)

Highlight the 3rd level of the pyramid (Connection) and its action (Hug yourself and give a friendly wave). Read aloud the correlating poem stanza together from the slides. When we learn how to regulate our big feelings, we can improve our relationships with others. Share the definition of the term “regulate” from the slides. Have a discussion:

• How can regulating your big feelings improve your relationships with others? (EQ)

Highlight the 4th level of the pyramid (Believe in Yourself) and its action (Make a thumbs up and show off your muscles). Read aloud the correlating poem stanza together from the slides. When we make good choices, we feel proud, believe in ourselves, and are ready to learn. Have a discussion:

• How do you feel when you make good choices? (EQ)

Activity 2: (20 Minutes) MY TRIGGER MAP

Materials Needed: sheet protector (1 per student), My Trigger Map handout (1 per student)

Teacher Tip: Triggers are specific, often repeated situations, feelings, memories, or sensory experiences that can lead to strong emotional or behavioral reactions. By carefully observing patterns—such as when and where behaviors occur—and guiding students through reflection, teachers can help children recognize their own triggers. Teaching students to identify these moments and apply self-management strategies empowers them to de-escalate and respond in more positive, controlled ways, reducing the likelihood of future outbursts.

Share the definition of the term “trigger” from the slides. Invite students to close their eyes and think about a time when they felt a trigger and noticed their feelings getting big very quickly. Call on a few students to describe their trigger and how they felt.

Teacher Tip: Students should always have the choice to pass if they do not feel comfortable sharing. As an alternative, students can reflect on and discuss how their body and mind might feel in different situations, such as:

• Being told “no” or not getting their way
• Changes in routine
• Feeling left out or excluded
• Feeling hungry or tired
• Working on a challenging or frustrating task
• Hearing a loud or unexpected noise
• Being in a crowded or busy place
• Stopping an activity they enjoy doing

Explain that everyone has triggers, and that is okay. The important thing is learning how to regulate our big feelings when we notice a trigger. Review the definition of the term “regulate” from the slides. Explain that when we manage our big feelings in calm, healthy ways, our minds and bodies will feel ready to learn.

Display the strategies to promote safe and respectful behavior from the slides. Briefly review the calm-down strategies from the slides. Explain that using these strategies will help children regulate their big feelings when they experience a trigger. Have a discussion:

• What will you do the next time you notice a trigger and have big feelings at school? (EQ)

Ask students to think about how maps help us. Call on a few students to share. Explain that maps help us because they show us where we are, where we want to go, and the safest way to get there. A trigger map works the same way because it helps us identify how we are feeling, why we feel that way, and what we need to do to feel safe and make good choices. When big feelings make us feel lost or unsure, a trigger map can guide us back to calm and help us choose the best next step.

Pass out a My Trigger Map handout to each student. Guide students through their map, allowing them time to think and reflect through each step. Display the calming strategies slides to assist children in selecting strategies that are just right for them.

Teacher Tip: Take time to review each child’s Trigger Map so you understand when and where triggers are most likely to occur, along with the calming strategies the student has chosen. Place the Trigger Map in a sheet protector to keep it durable. Consider making 2 copies—one to remain at school and one to send home. Follow up with parents or guardians so they can support and reinforce the same calming strategies at home.

Activity 3: (15 minutes) MY PAUSE BUTTON

Materials Needed: Pause & Picture cards (1 copy, cut apart)

Review the definition of the term “self-management” from the slides. Explain that when we have big emotions and do not know how to control our thoughts, feelings, and choices, we can use our “pause button” to slow down and give ourselves time to regain control.

Invite children to stand up, put their hand over their heart, and gently press their “pause button.” Display pause button directions on the slides. Explain that when students have big feelings and do not know what to do, they can press their pause button, and:

• Pause and freeze like a statue.
• Notice how they are feeling.
• Take a break if they are feeling upset.
• Make a choice to feel calm and ready to learn.

Teacher Tip: Model what this looks like for students. Put your hand over your heart, and press your pause button. Think out loud, “I am going to pause and freeze like a statue. Now I am going to notice how I am feeling. I am feeling  _________. I will take a few deep breaths and make a choice to help me feel calm and be ready to learn.”

Tell students that they will listen to different scenarios and decide how to respond. (Teacher Tip: Feel free to choose from the list provided or create your own scenarios that are more specific to the needs of your students.) Before children respond with what they would do in each situation, have them push their pause button and think about the self-management strategies that can help them.

Scenarios:

• Someone cut in front of you in line.
• You lost a toy you really like.
• You spilled your milk on your lunch tray.
• A classmate says something unkind. 
• You are playing a game you really enjoy and it is time to clean up.
• You feel really overwhelmed and are thinking about running out of the classroom.

Have a discussion:

• How can pushing your pause button help you control your thoughts, feelings, and actions? (EQ)
• What choices can you make to feel calm and be ready to learn?

Explain to children that if they forget to use their pause button at school, you will help them by putting your hand over your heart when you notice them having big feelings.

Teacher Tip: Praise students when they remember to use their pause button without being reminded.

Activity 4: (15 minutes) DECISION DETECTIVE

Materials Needed: Index cards (2 per student)

Ask students to think of decisions they have made throughout the day (e.g., what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, what to play at recess). Call on a few students to share their ideas. Explain that we make decisions every day, big and small. Some decisions, like what to wear, do not have huge consequences, but other decisions, like whether or not to include someone in a game at recess, may.

Explain that when we are faced with big decisions, it is important to pause, notice how we are feeling, and take a moment to calm our bodies before choosing what to do. This helps us make choices that are respectful, responsible, and safe. Review the strategies to make good decisions from the slides.

Tell students that they can be decision detectives and “investigate” their choices. Detectives ask questions to help them solve problems and make good choices. We can also ask questions to help us make good decisions.

Display the decision detectives slide. Pass out 2 index cards to each student. Have students draw a happy face on 1 card and a sad face on their other card. Explain that the happy face represents decisions that are respectful, responsible, and safe. The sad face represents decisions that are not respectful, responsible or safe. Go through each scenario on the slides and have students hold up the card that matches their choice. Have a discussion after each slide:

• Is the decision respectful, responsible, or safe? Explain. (EQ)
• If it is not, what would be a good choice? (EQ)

Emphasize that self-management strategies (pause, notice your feelings, take a break if you are feeling upset, and make choices that help you learn) and being decision detectives help us make good choices that help ourselves and others be ready to learn.

Activity 5: (20 minutes) MY ACTIONS AFFECT OTHERS

Materials Needed: Cotton ball (1 per student), Small square of sandpaper (1 per student)

Pass out a cotton ball and a small square of sandpaper to each student. Have students feel the cotton ball. Then, have them feel the sandpaper. Have a discussion:

• How does a cotton ball feel? (soft, gentle, comfortable, nice)
• How does the sandpaper feel? (rough, scratchy, uncomfortable)

Explain that our actions can affect how others feel. Safe, respectful choices are like cotton balls, they make others feel safe, calm, and cared for. Unkind or unsafe choices are like sandpaper, they can hurt feelings, make others feel unsafe, or interrupt learning.

Tell children that we can use strategies when we have big feelings to help us make choices that will help us and those around us feel safe, cared for, and ready to learn. Review the strategies to promote safe and respectful behavior from the slides.

Explain that before we act, we can pause and picture what might happen next and how our choices will affect others. When we think about how our actions will affect others, we will make choices that help others feel safe, cared for, and ready to learn.

Hold up 1 Pause & Picture card at a time. As each card is shown, have students pause, close their eyes, and picture the situation. Then invite them to share what they would do next to help themselves and their classmates feel safe, cared for, and ready to learn. Have a discussion:

• Why is it important to pause, picture, and think before you act? (EQ)

Activity 6: (5+ Minutes) CALM-DOWN OPTIONS

Materials Needed: Materials for calm-down options (varied, optional)

Teacher Tip: Offering a variety of calm-down strategies is important because children experience big feelings in different ways and need different tools to help their bodies and minds return to calm. What works for one child may not work for another, so providing options allows students to discover and use the strategies that work best for them.

Option 1: Calm-Down Kit

Materials Needed (select several): Picture of student’s family, stuffed animal, handwritten note from a parent/guardian and/or classroom teacher, student’s favorite snack, stress ball or other fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, favorite book.

Teacher Tip: A personal calm-down kit helps build independence by teaching children how to support themselves when their feelings become overwhelming. With consistent use, students learn to rely on these tools to regulate their emotions.

Prior to this activity, gather a box or bag and the calm-down kit items for each student. Students can store their kit in their desk, cubby, backpack, or somewhere else they can easily access it. Possible items for a calm-down kit include: 

• Picture of student’s family
• Stuffed animal
• Handwritten note from a parent/guardian and/or classroom teacher
• Student’s favorite snack
• Stress ball or other fidget toys 
• Noise-canceling headphones
• Favorite book

Explain to students that a calm-down kit is a collection of special tools they can use to help their bodies and minds feel calm when their feelings get big, so they can make safe, positive choices. Pass out a calm-down kit to each child. Allow them to explore what is in their kit and choose where they will keep it so they can access it quickly and easily to help them regulate their emotions. Have a discussion:

• How do you feel after looking through your calm-down kit?
• How can a calm-down kit help you feel calm and ready to learn? (EQ)

Options 2: Calm-Down Corner

Materials Needed: Timer, sensory toys, blank paper, art supplies, Calm-Down Strategies chart (1+ copies)

Teacher Tip: Prepare a calm-down corner in your classroom. Calm-down corners provide children with a safe place to identify and regulate their emotions and control their impulses. Possible ideas for a calm-down corner include: 

• A special area where students can spend time on their own when their emotions are running high
• Soft, comfortable seating options
• A basket with sensory play objects
• Blank paper and art supplies so students can draw a picture showing how they are feeling
• A visual chart of the calm-down strategies students have learned 
• Timer

Explain to students that there is a special space in the classroom called the calm-down corner where they can go when they are feeling big emotions and need help getting their body and mind ready to learn. Show them the area and introduce the tools and activities available for calming down. Display the slide explaining how the calm-down corner can help them. Tell children that anyone can use the calm-down corner.

Emphasize that there are expectations for the calm-down corner to help children use it the right way. Go through the calm-down corner expectations slide with students. Invite children to turn to a partner and tell them the 5 expectations for using the calm-down corner. Have a discussion:

• How will you use the calm-down corner? (EQ)

Options 3: Calm-Down Strategies Card

Materials Needed: White cardstock, Calm-Down Strategies card (1 per student), Ziploc bag (1 per student), Velcro

Teacher Tip: Prior to this activity, print a Calm-Down Strategies card on white cardstock for each student. Cut out and laminate the card and strategy pieces for durability. Put a small piece of Velcro on each of the strategy pieces and on the 3 squares of the strategy card. Place the strategy pieces in a Ziplock bag.

Explain to students that everyone is different and may need different strategies to help their body and mind feel calm and ready to learn. Tell children that they will explore a variety of calm-down strategies so they can choose which ones work best for them. Display the calm-down strategies slides. Go through the slides together and have a discussion:

• Which calm-down strategies will you choose the next time you have big feelings? (EQ)

Pass out a Calm-Down Strategies card to each student. Have students look through the strategy options and choose 3 to put on their card. Have students practice the 3 strategies they chose.

Teacher/Counselor Tip: Encourage students to keep their card on their desk, their teacher’s desk, or another accessible and visible place in their classroom. Consider making two copies—one to remain at school and one to send home. Follow up with parents or guardians so they can support and reinforce the same calming strategies at home.

Option 4: Preferred Activity

Explain to the students that after they have calmed down, they still may not feel ready to complete their school work. It can sometimes take a while for their emotions to be under control. One thing that the students can do is move from their calm-down activity to a preferred activity. A preferred activity is where the student does something that they enjoy doing, which then helps them get back to work.

Ask the student to come up with an activity that they would like to do. (Teacher Tip: It may be a good idea to explain to the student the differences between “home” activities and “school” activities. For instance, they may love playing video games but that is not an appropriate activity for school. They may love to draw. That is something they could do as a preferred activity.)

Let the student know that the activity is for a short amount of time, only about 5 minutes, and then they need to get back to work. Once the student has had time to do their preferred activity, instruct them to clean it up and to return to their class work.

Teacher Tip: It can be helpful with this strategy to create a list of preferred activities ahead of time. That way, if the student is still triggered, they are not having to try to come up with an activity.

Extension: Whenever students need additional regulation support, refer to the Regulation Strategies slides. These slides feature a curated collection of strategies from In Focus lessons designed to help students calm, refocus, or re-energize as needed.

Activity 7: (15 Minutes) HELP OTHERS FEEL SAFE, CONNECTED & CARED FOR

Prior to this activity, watch the video and see if it is the best fit for your students.

Explain that we can respond with kindness and understanding when our classmates behave differently than we do or are learning how to regulate their feelings. This helps everyone feel safe, connected, and cared for and makes our classroom and school a positive place. If we notice a classmate with big feelings or acting out, we can: 

• Stay calm. 
• Set a good example of what being ready to learn looks like.
• Try to understand what they are feeling.
• Give them space and time to choose a calm-down strategy that will work for them.
• Continue working quietly if the teacher needs to talk with the classmate and help them calm down.
• Understand that some students may use different tools or resources to help them regulate their feelings and that is okay.
• Check on them later.

Explain that when we do these things, we will feel good and we can help someone who is having a hard time feel supported and cared for.

Read the book Meesha Makes Friends by Tom Percival or watch the read-aloud video from 0:06–3:50. As students listen, invite them to pay attention to how kids treat Meesha at the beginning and the end of the story. Have a discussion:

• How did kids treat Meesha at the beginning and end of the story? 
• How did their actions make her feel?
• How can we treat others so they feel safe, connected, and cared for? (EQ)