The purpose of this lesson is for educators to learn about boundaries. Teachers will define boundaries, recognize the signs of needing a boundary, identify personal values and identify ways to honor them, practice setting boundaries, consider nuances, and accept that saying no is always an option.
The resilient teacher knows that boundaries are one of the most powerful tools in our toolbox to stay in our career. A boundary is a limit defining you in relation to someone or something. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, financial, and moral. They serve as protection for our energy and reflect what we value most. Setting and maintaining boundaries can be really difficult, but they offer us a way to protect our energy in order to maximize our effects.
Johanna Rauhala with Edutopia writes, “It feels like heresy to say it, but it’s true: Sometimes, no matter what we say or do, no matter how many meetings or phone calls or emails we have about a student, no matter how much time and energy we put into adapting and consideration, things don’t improve. They may even get worse. At some point, in order to protect the classroom and our own professional stamina, we must regroup and set limits.” According to research done by psychologist Dr. Dana Gionta, when we do not set boundaries, we are more susceptible to lost productivity, poor performance, voluntary attrition, and even burnout. Learning this skill of boundary-setting helps empower us to prioritize our values and well-being and better manage our stress.
Activity 1: (20 minutes) WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Ask educators what they already know about boundaries. They can share the answers with the class, with a partner, or write them down. Share the slide describing boundaries, as well as the Brené Brown quote.
Have a discussion:
Another way to describe boundaries is by introducing the Golden Rule vs. Platinum Rule. Educators are likely familiar with the Golden Rule, which is treating others how you want to be treated. The Platinum Rule, however, is a bit more evolved and it is treating others how they want to be treated. Have a discussion:
Show the slide about why work boundaries are important and ask educators to share their thoughts.
Discuss the 4 Common Types of Boundaries slide, asking educators to raise their hand if they have ever set these types of boundaries.
Share the visual of architectural boundaries that represent a drawbridge, which is a type of moveable bridge typically at the entrance to a castle or tower surrounded by a mote, and a city on a hill. Ask educators to explain what is similar and different about these different architectural boundaries. Some answers may include that both keep people in or out of an area, both are intended to protect inhabitants, both make it difficult to access what is inside the boundary. They are different in how easy it is to let someone in or out, different in the level of difficulty to enter inside of the boundary, and they offer different levels of protection. Then ask them which kind of architectural boundary is, in their opinions, the best for the inhabitants and why.
Finally, share the slides that explain how the drawbridge visual represents boundaries as humans being the gatekeepers of their own lives and how we can regulate how permeable they are.
Activity 2: (20 minutes) WHEN DO I NEED A BOUNDARY?
Show educators the 5 Signs of Needing a Boundary, according to Elizabeth Scott, PhD, with Verywell Mind. Ask educators to think of a time that they related to these signs of needing a boundary, whether they ended up setting one or not. Remind them that most professionals, especially those in caregiving careers, will feel these uncomfortable feelings or find themselves in these situations. These are 5 reminders that a boundary may help relieve some of the burden we may be feeling in a relationship, professional or personal.
Share the quote from McLean Hospital that highlights what can happen if we avoid setting boundaries or put it off for an extended period of time. Again, reminding educators that these are common experiences for caregiving professionals and can be healed.
Ask educators if any relationship or person has come to mind as we have been discussing boundaries, without the need to share names. The question may be reframed to ask if there is anyone they interact with that leaves them feeling resentful, pressured to say yes when you want to say no, hope to keep at an arm’s length, fear disappointing them, or seem to take up an unfair amount of time and energy in your life.
Wrap it up by reminding educators that they are not novices at setting or maintaining boundaries. Share the slide that shows examples of boundary setting that most educators have experienced.
Activity 3: (20 minutes) VALUES-BASED BOUNDARIES
The best way to determine our own boundaries is to start with identifying our top values. When we make boundaries based on our values, we can expect to find more meaning in our lives and guidance in our decision making.
Pass out the Values Activity handout to each teacher, along with coloring materials. Teachers will select 3 colors to represent 3 categories: very important to me, important, and not important to me. Using these colors, they will label the values from the handout to sort them into their personal order of importance.
Have a discussion:
Show the slide that describes utilizing values to identify needs and set boundaries. If time permits, ask for a few volunteers to share their “I value… I need… I will honor that by…” examples or work with a partner to build them together.
Activity 4: (30 minutes) HOW TO SET A BOUNDARY
As with all new skills, it can be really intimidating to get started. Show educators the slide of ideas on how to start setting boundaries first with ourselves (through sticking to a budget or routine), with secure relationships (through sharing responsibilities or declining invitations), with trusted co-workers (though leaving conversations or sticking to contract hours), and then students and families (through responding to emails or levels of familiarity).
Walk educators through the slides explaining the step-by-step of setting a boundary.
Share the SNL skit that shares the experience of adult children breaking the news to their parents that, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, they are not coming home for the holidays. Ask educators to put themselves in the shoes of these adult children and look for what boundaries might need to be set.
Have a discussion:
Explain that we will practice setting boundaries using different scenarios by following the step-by-step guide we discussed. Show the slide with the example from the SNL skit as the scenario, being sure to clarify any misunderstandings and answering questions together as you go.
Sort educators into 6 groups and pass out 1 of the Boundary Setting Practice slips to each group. Set groups to work on their scenario and sample boundary setting. Post the slide that summarizes the 6 steps for groups to reference.
After the allotted time, and if time permits, allow each group to summarize their scenario and share their sample boundary. This can also be done in small groups, rather than a whole group setting.
Wrap up the activity by sharing the Rebecca Ray quote about emotional labor, emphasizing that the only way anyone can know where our emotional energy levels are is by telling them and it is ultimately our responsibility to manage our energy levels.
Activity 5: (30 minutes) NUANCES
Show educators the slide with the drawbridge and ask them to share their thoughts on 2 discussion questions:
Remind educators that what one person may have space for does not mean it is a requirement for all educators everywhere. We are different human beings with different responsibilities and different home lives who bring different skills and deficiencies to the table. That is to be expected, not altered to be more palatable for those we work with.
Remind educators of the 2 architectural boundaries and that there are nuances in different scenarios and experiences. Read through the slide of nuances to consider, asking educators to share their thoughts as you go. Ask educators to share other nuances that may come to mind from their own life experiences.
Wrap up the discussion by reminding educators of the Platinum Rule and that unspoken expectations lead to resentments. Boundaries help us avoid resentment, and are therefore deep acts of love for the people we work with and people we love. Show the Brené Brown quote and encourage educators to follow through with the boundary ideas that pop into their minds today.
Activity 6: (20 minutes) SAYING NO
Ask educators to list the different requests that they have received from parents/guardians, students, administration, district officials, family members, and friends in the last month. Either write these down on the whiteboard or make sure that everyone has a chance to share some different requests. Be sure to validate how hard it must be to receive this volume of requests on a regular basis, especially as caregivers or personalities that want to serve through saying yes.
Ask educators to raise their hands if they are comfortable saying no to requests. Ask those who raise their hands to share how they have become comfortable with this practice, who they tend to be most comfortable saying no to versus who they are least comfortable saying no to, or how this practice has benefitted them. Ask those who have not raised their hands to explain what fears they experience around saying no.
Share the slide that lists 10 ways to say no and ask educators to pick what they will try in the future. Have a discussion:
Share the slide detailing how to say no, even after you said yes. Discuss:
Wrap up the lesson with Elizabeth Scott’s 5 Tips for Developing Boundaries.
Copyright © 2024 In Focus Education Group
