Lesson 07: Respecting Personal Space

Lesson 07: Respecting Personal Space

Lesson Resources

Learning Objectives

The purpose of this lesson is for teachers to discuss how establishing proper boundaries can keep them safe and well. Teachers will assess personal space concerns, draw connections between boundaries and health, practice setting boundaries, discuss school safety, problem solve based on various scenarios, and collectively air safety concerns.

Lesson Content

Respecting personal space is something that we learn beginning in childhood. The people that we interact with may have different preferences when it comes to physical touch, conversation, teasing, etc. Learning and respecting an individual’s preferences allows us to develop more trust in our relationship with them and helps them feel safe and secure around us.

One tool that we can use to keep ourselves feeling safe is to establish boundaries. Danit Natka, PhD, explains that, “In the context of psychology, boundaries are a conceptual limit between you and the other person. Simply put, it’s about knowing where you end and others begin. Knowing what’s yours and what’s not. Acknowledging that every adult is responsible for themselves… Maintaining boundaries is about being the gatekeeper of your life in order to keep yourself safe and well.”

It is our responsibility to communicate clearly about boundaries, however, we are not responsible for the words and actions of others. Even with well-enforced boundaries in place, people may still disregard our preferences. Extreme cases of disrespected boundaries include sexual misconduct or even assault. If ever our express permission or consent is ignored, our boundaries should evolve into something more permanent or strict. Boundaries are there to keep us feeling safe and secure. If they are not working, we may need to adapt them or get some outside help.

Essential Terms

boundaries, consent

Lesson Plan

Activity 1: (20 minutes) PERSONAL SPACE

Watch the video, “Personal Space: How Close is Too Close?,” by CBS. Have a discussion:

  • What space(s) in your home do you consider to be private and public?
  • How would you feel if a stranger wandered through the private spaces in your home?

Read the definition of “personal space” on the slides. Then discuss the question.

  • How is our personal space like a fortress?
  • What personal space issues have you witnessed in our school?

As you read some information about personal space preferences from iResearch Net, invite educators to discuss how it applies to your school. They can share examples that they have witnessed or stories that apply. Have a discussion:

  • How can we use this information to inform the practices at our school and in our classrooms?
  • How might this apply to teachers and staff as opposed to students?
  • What are some examples of people that you feel comfortable being close to as opposed to people that you prefer more distance from?

Activity 2: (20 minutes) BOUNDARIES

Pass out the Boundaries Assessment handoutto each teacher and have them rate themselves independently. After sufficient time, explain that odd questions indicate negative boundary control, whereas evenquestions indicate positive boundary control. Using the chart on the slide, have teachers total up their score to rate their confidence in setting and maintaining personal boundaries.

Have teachers compare the picture of a castle drawbridge with a fortress. Then read a couple quotes about boundaries by Danit Natka, PhD, a psychologist.

Break into small groups and invite them to brainstorm 3 distinct situations where they would feel comfortable for their normal boundaries to be more permeable or adjustable than usual. For example, someone hugs their mother when they are not normally a “hugger” with other people. After sufficient time, invite each group to share 1 or more of their examples.  Have a discussion:

  • How can boundaries help us stay feeling safe and secure?
  • Can too many boundaries impact our well-being negatively? If so, how?
  • How can a lack of boundaries affect your physical health?
  • What are some boundaries that you use to keep yourself well?

Activity 3: (20 minutes) SETTING BOUNDARIES STEP BY STEP

Pass out the Boundary Steps handoutto each educator. Provide sufficient time for teachers to read the quotes and thoughtfully answer each question about a boundary that they would like to set or strengthen in their life. Although this lesson is focused mostly on physical boundaries, teachers can choose another type of boundary. The process remains the same for both. If any teachers are comfortable with sharing, invite a few to summarize what they wrote about their boundary and why they selected that particular one.

Activity 4: (20 minutes) SCHOOL SAFETY

Read the definition of consent and corresponding quotes. Have a discussion:

  • How does consent influence feelings of safety and well-being?
  • Does our school have any problems with consent? If so, what are they?

Explain that the next part of the activity will include some extreme non-examples of respecting personal space or consent. Study the information together and discuss any information that feels most relevant to your school. Have a discussion:

  • Did any part of this information particularly apply to our school? Explain.
  • What are your top concerns about student safety?
  • Are there any simple solutions that we can implement tomorrow to increase feelings of safety at our school?

Next, explain that part of safety and boundaries is practicing the art of saying “no.” As a whole group, brainstorm a list of situations where someone might need to say “no” (e.g., someone is trying to touch you and you would rather they stop.). After you have a list of 5–10, divide teachers into small groups and invite each group to come up with a list of creative ways to say “no” in that context. Explain that this list could be used for adults or for kids. Have a discussion:

  • Why is it important to be assertive? When should we worry about kindness?
  • How can learning to say “no” help us protect our boundaries?

Activity 5: (20 minutes) PROFESSIONAL SCENARIOS

For this activity, you can take 2 different approaches:

  1. Invite an HR district representative to share stories and advice based on their experience with dealing with boundaries or personal space issues. They can also provide additional training on best-practices or answer questions in a Q&A session.
  2. As a staff, discuss various scenarios involving staff safety and respecting personal space. This would proceed as follows:

As a group, create a list of scenarios that they have had to navigate regarding personal space, consent, or boundaries with students or coworkers (e.g., What do you do if a young child crawls onto your lap? My student wants a side-hug, but I am not sure if I should. My coworker is touchier than I would like.). This list could also include situations that teachers have wondered about.

Sort teachers into small groups, assigning each group a topic from the list. During their time together, educators should discuss the clear lines (dos/don’ts) and where the lines can get blurry. After the discussion, gather back together and have each group share what they discussed. Collaborate together on any “blurry line” scenarios that could benefit the group, reinforcing good HR practices.

Activity 6: (20 minutes) EMPLOYEE SAFETY

Pass out 1 slip of paper to each teacher. Have them write answers to one of the following questions (include a note about which question they answered), crumple the paper, and toss it into a garbage can or pile to collect them.

  • Have you ever had to deal with unwanted touch, personal space issues, or violated consent from a coworker? If so, what happened and who did you turn to for help?
  • What makes you feel unsafe at school? What could be done about it?
  • What are some boundaries that you wish were better respected at work?

One by one, read the notes aloud, filtering out any personal or denigrating parts, if necessary. Discuss situations that need clarification or open up concerns to a group discussion. Take time to validate each note. Finally, give teachers the last couple minutes to think of one thing that they can do right now to set or strengthen a boundary in their life. Encourage them to pull out their phone, compose an email, or jot down a note for later.

Discussion/Journal Prompts

  • What does respecting others’ boundaries look like for you?
  • How can you tell when someone is comfortable with touch or not?
  • Who do you feel comfortable being close to? How did that come to be?
  • What are the top boundaries that are disregarded at our school?
  • What are some boundaries that should never be crossed?
  • How does personal space and boundaries affect your overall well-being?

Strategies

  • Base your proximity to others on your level of intimacy.
  • Read the room and pay attention to how others are feeling.
  • Clearly state your personal boundaries.
  • If someone is feeling overwhelmed, give them space.
  • Tighten your boundaries if they are disregarded.
  • Ask and wait for permission before touching others.

References

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